


Any Colder and You'd be Dead

by Imadeamistake



Category: Be More Chill - Iconis/Tracz
Genre: Angst, Emotional Manipulation, M/M, Non-Consensual Kissing, One-Sided Attraction, Pining, evil squip
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-27
Updated: 2017-10-02
Packaged: 2019-01-06 05:42:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 7,288
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12205017
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Imadeamistake/pseuds/Imadeamistake
Summary: His mind was made up. If Jeremy was going to treat him like nothing, that was just fine. He could ignore him too. Call him a loser if you like, but no amount of social capital would be enough for Michael to pay a robot six hundred bucks to electrocute him. Apparently, Jeremy felt differently.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is a sequel to my Jeremy/Squip fic but it's mostly about Michael.

Michael had spent the weekend angry and he was still pissed off coming into school on Monday. The big grey building looked the same as ever. Rain hung waiting in the sky above, and the cold October air had bitten blisters into Michael’s fingers. He hid them in the pockets of his hoodie as he shuffled through the hallway. On the way to homeroom he didn’t say hello to anyone.

His mind was made up. If Jeremy was going to treat him like nothing, that was just fine. He could ignore him too. Call him a loser if you like, but no amount of social capital would be enough for Michael to pay a robot four hundred bucks to electrocute him. Apparently, Jeremy felt differently.

Michael entered the math classroom in third period determined to not to even look at his ex-best friend until he was safely sat two rows behind. Jeremy lounged on his chair, chatting casually with the girl on his right. Michael didn’t know her name, and he was prepared to bet that three weeks ago, Jeremy wouldn’t have dared to speak to her.

Had he had changed his hair? It looked softer. Maybe he’d conditioned it. Michael ran a hand through his own curly hair, conscious that he hadn’t washed it since Saturday. Jeremy laughed at something the girl said, teeth sparkling. Michael felt his heart race. The despair caught in his chest and his resolve crumbled to dust. This was pointless. If what Jeremy had said about the Squip was true, he wouldn't even able to see Michael ignoring him. It was no better than last week, when he hadn't noticed Michael's desperate attempts to get his attention.

What had he been thinking when he erased Michael from his life?  

Michael put his head on the table and folded his arms to shield his face as he breathed slow and deep. Checking surreptitiously around the room, it didn’t look like anyone had noticed he was on the edge of freaking out. That was the difference between them, Jeremy worked hard to fit in while Michael was invisible by nature. They were both still losers of course. The old Jeremy had stuck out like a sore thumb. At eleven he had a growth spurt and stood a good foot taller than everyone in 5th grade. A more confident person would have taken it in stride but for Jeremy it was just something else to feel embarrassed about. Because he was embarrassed about it, his height became a target. Some kids can smell blood in the water. Michael didn’t have time for assholes like that.

The class was an hour long but Michael couldn’t have said what they were supposed to have been learning about. He spent the whole thing staring at Jeremy, reading all his new movements. It was uncanny. Every gesture was perfectly relaxed, precisely confident. He was like a different person.

It drove Michael mad.  

 

During free period Michael hid in the library where he could go on his phone without being told to put it away. In the computer labs, there was always someone looking over his shoulder and Michael wanted to be undisturbed. Thankfully the school library only attracted dust; its grey carpet smelled of damp, and the walls were covered with peeling posters encouraging after school activities Michael never went to.

He slipped past the librarian to the back shelves. The empty storeroom next to the science fiction section wasn’t large, less than five feet back, but it was enough for Michael to sit down in the dark. He closed the door, turned on his phone for light, and pulled the broken handle off the lock. He didn’t want to open it by bumping it accidently and the handle was easy enough to reattach.

A search for ‘Squip’ only netted misspelled squids and a Canadian delivery company. ‘Squip drugs’ also got very few useful results. Whatever this thing was, it wasn’t common knowledge online. He’d had a lot of free time to research over the past week. One message board a post titled ‘Looking for a Squip’ was dated half a year ago.

_‘Hi All,_

_Work’s been crazy last few weeks. Anyone know where I can get Squip?_

_One of my crew said it really gives you a kick. His supplier’s gone off the radar._

_Email if you can hook me up._ ’

No replies or comments. The poster’s profile page said he was from New York.

Michael shifted in the cramped darkness and his back touched the clammy wall. The pervasive water damage was why the librarians never kept anything in here. The store cupboard backed onto a leaking pipe which was getting worse by the year. He played with the silver door handle, debating whether to give up and do the world history assignment he had due later.

_‘HELP PLZ!_

_No one believes me! Hopefully u guys know what this is. My sister took this pill she got from her bf and now she’s a totally different person!_

_She’s horrible to me! And no its not birth control so stfu. He called it a squip. I told him to stay away from her or I’ll call the police._

_Still considering it tbh >>.<< _

_She keeps hearing voices and talking to herself. She was crying last night begging it to stop shocking her. I touched her and I felt it too,_

_how can a drug do that? We used to be really close._

_I want my old sister back! Please help.’_  

Reading the comments, the poor girl hadn’t had any more luck getting the internet to believe her than her own family. Michael had found a few messages like this since he’d begun his search for answers. People whose friends or relatives were changing drastically overnight. Some of them sounded like regular teen angst, but hidden among them were common threads.

People who looked like they had been electrocuted. People talking back to voices no one else could hear. Those who changed were mostly young; college age or older teenagers. Michael turned off his phone, carefully clicking the handle back into place and went back out to face the day.

 

If there was one thing Michael had always been good at, it was watching Jeremy. Today it took an extra few seconds to find him, he was so used to looking out for a stooped shuffler. Jeremy's body language had almost changed entirely overnight. New Jeremy held his head high as he strode through the hallway. But though his posture had changed, his eyes still looked hunted, darting around on the lookout for danger. Something Michael could probably stand to do more of. Without him noticing, the ever-unwelcome Rich had materialized behind his right shoulder.

“So, you’ve been dumped?” The shorter boy asked with a shark’s grin.

Rich was a pest and Michael had no patience for him right now. He tried to walk away.

“Hey! I’m talking to you!” Rich hopped in front of him and tripped accidently, slamming Michael into the corner of some lockers with more force than he probably meant to. Definitely more force then he’d meant to, Michael noted. Rich had hit his wrist on the wall at a bad angle and was trying manfully to pretend that he hadn’t.

“Is your hand alright dude?”

“It’s fine!” Rich insisted through a wince. Michael made a break for the cafeteria.

Giving up on his campaign of stonewalling a person who couldn’t see or hear him anyway. Michael sat next to Jeremy at lunch, just as he had every day last week. Jeremy didn’t speak a single word to him. Just like last week.

Michael didn’t have an appetite, but if he ate it would be like everything was normal, even though it wasn’t. He found himself clutching to the routine even as every absence of his relationship with Jeremy made him feel like the earth underfoot was crumbling away.

He wondered if Jeremy was missing him at all. What did he think Michael was doing right now? The more Michael thought about it the angrier it made him. 

“Don’t take this the wrong way. I’m still mad at you dude.” Michael stabbed his fork into the macaroni. “I just don’t have anywhere else to sit.” Jeremy showed no indication he was listening, he looked despondent as he shovelled pasta into his mouth. Chloe and Brooke were watching him from two tables away. They looked hungry.

Michael didn’t blame them, New Jeremy was compelling. The way he held himself was focused and coordinated. The old Jeremy had always been so painfully awkward. In any situation, you could always rely on him to do the exact opposite of cool. As a self-admitted hipster, Michael had always been fond of that. Only dead fish swim with the stream.

New Jeremy wore yet more new clothes today; a black shirt that said ‘Troublemaker’ on the chest in a barely legible font. The short sleeves showed off where his arms swelled and curved. The fit of it made Jeremy look good, Michael could admit that. He still missed the old clothes.

“Can’t you just turn it off for a bit?” Michael’s plea went unheard. Jeremy’s blind eyes looked right past him. That was what Michael hated the most. He gave Jeremy’s arm a rough shake but he didn’t appear to feel it. Michael was a ghost. There was a hint of warmth buried deep within the muscle, under fabric and cold skin. The contact was comforting, even though it did nothing to snap Jeremy out of his stupor.

Michael took the hand away when it was clear no reaction was coming. It felt weird to touch Jeremy without his knowledge, like touching someone who was deeply asleep.

Brooke giggled and whispered something to Chloe who flipped her hair and stole a look at Jeremy. Michael put his fork down. The macaroni wasn’t appealing today. Maybe if he was quick he could get to the 7/11 before lunch ended.

“I’m going to go. Don’t want to interrupt your upgrading.”

Michael collected up his tray, taking care to give a wide berth to Rich who was headed towards Jeremy’s table. He scraped off his plate of tepid macaroni into one of the large bins at the wall of the cafeteria and put his tray on the rack. As he went to walk out the door, he cast a glance back over his shoulder and a chill raced up his spine.

Jeremy was looking right at him.

His eyes were focused in an iron expression of pure loathing. Michael couldn’t look away.

It wasn’t Jeremy. Whatever this thing was, however Squips worked. This wasn’t Jeremy.

Michael stumbled back with the force of the hatred contained in the glare, his heartbeat startled into a thundering panic. He blinked, and Jeremy was as he had been. Chewing placidly and eyeing up the girls. Rich slid in beside him and started up a conversation Michael was too far away to hear. He regretted leaving the seat empty. 

Making friends was something that Michael Mell had never found easy. All the more reason to stick with Jeremy, at least they were equally clueless with the social stuff. Michael was aware he could sometimes be a bit clingy, but that was only because he didn't really like spending time with anyone else.

Back in 6th grade, Michael hadn't realised he needed glasses. If he ever needed to copy off the blurry whiteboard, he’d looked at Jeremy's work instead. Jeremy didn't mind. However, after they both wrote pages explaining the formation process of ‘meat-amorphic’ rocks Michael was discovered. The teacher wrote him a note to take home, and in the meantime moved him to sit in the front row next to a sweet girl called Christine Canigula. She let him share her pack of 48 glitter pens, and when she smiled she had the cleanest teeth Michael had ever seen. He had still missed sitting with Jeremy.

Rich laughed at something Jeremy said and Michael’s anger bubbled over. He wanted to shout at Jeremy like he had last Friday, wanted to look him in the eyes again and have the gaze returned. He gritted his teeth and left the cafeteria, determined more than ever that he wouldn’t give the old Jeremy up without a fight.


	2. Chapter 2

Health class was a pain. It was a class of only eighteen students and all of them were strangers to Michael, except Rich who Michael wished was a stranger.

Even in the second month of the semester it was already just an excuse for Rich to make immature sex jokes and irritate Michael who was sat next to him. A row of six girls at the back of the room texted each other incessantly on phones hidden under their desks and at the front of the class sat Tad and Becky who had hooked up in the first week and so far, had only taken a break from staring lovingly into each other’s eyes for the demonstration on proper condom use. The rest of the students skipped.

Michael remembered Rich from freshman year but only vaguely. Clearly back then he hadn't transformed into the beautiful butterfly of unforgettable dickish-ness he was now. For once the class suited Michael. It was the perfect opportunity to pump Rich for information on the Squip. And even better, in an environment where Rich couldn’t punch him in the face without disciplinary action.

"So Rich." He began, shifting his desk over so they could talk while he pretended to read a pamphlet on syphilis. "Any particular reason why you had to pick my best friend to induct into your zombie cult?”

"I felt sorry for him hanging out with you all the time." Rich gave him a light kick. "He's a lot happier now."

"He doesn’t seem happy to me." Michael muttered. Rich saw an opportunity for business and seized it.

"I don’t have anything on me right now but I know my supplier still has stock. What do you say? All this could be yours for the right price." He gestured to himself.

“Wait, what?” 

“I mean like, you could be _like_ me if you had a Squip.” Rich rushed to clarify. “Obviously”

Michael decided to just let that go.

"I'm not trying to buy a Squip from you."

"Then what the fuck do you want?"

"You were the one who told Jeremy about Squips in the first place. I need to know how they work. How do I shut it down? Or better, get it out of him?"

"You can’t remove it." Said Rich like Michael was an idiot for even asking. "It’s at the core of his brain. Besides, why would he want to get rid of it? Seems to be working out fine for him."

Michael glared.

“Ahh, the only person it’s not working out for is you.” Rich crowed in sudden realization. “Now he’s actually popular there’s even less chance he’ll ever return your pathetic crush!”

“Shut up Rich.” Michael clenched his teeth.

“Shut up Rich.” Rich echoed with a high annoying voice.

“Holy fuck you’re such a child! The Squip is dangerous, Jeremy is in danger!"

"They aren’t dangerous." Scoffed Rich. "I should know, I have one dumbass."

"Then this is fucking pointless." Michael flapped his arms like a very frustrated bird. “You’ve been brainwashed too, you are also in danger! At least care about that!”

“Dude just chill out, the Squip is nothing like that, it just tells me stuff.” Rich looked like he was starting to pity Michael.

"And you’re actually happy like that? With the Squip controlling you?"

"Look," he said, keeping his voice low, "It’s never asked me to do anything that wasn’t like, in my best interests. I'm not-, I'm not a smart guy. I do stupid things, sometimes." Rich looked uncertain. The expression was strange on him. "My brain thinks things that are… wrong. My Squip helps me control that, make better choices."

"Wow. What bad thoughts do you have that you aren’t acting on then Rich?" Michael snapped. “If it’s all fine and great to make my life a misery daily then what does it actually _stop_ you doing? Murdering the neighborhood pets?" Rich shook his head.

"Not like that," He shifted in his seat. " It stops me from doing stuff that would make me stick out in a bad way. It’s better to go with the flow, be the ideal guy y'know? Things are easier if you don’t rock the boat."

“Forgive me if I don’t think of you as the ideal man.” Michael retorted. "But even forgetting that, people aren't meant to be cookie cutter, not everything about you is going to be perfect Mr Popular."

"But it can be! That’s what the Squip does! That's what it’s there for!"

"It’s not making you perfect. Even if it did you wouldn’t be 'you' anymore! Nothing about you is unique or special.” Michael was in full flow and he wouldn’t be stopped. “Think about it! Why would anyone care about a person like that!? You’re one of a million Rich, mass produced and totally worthless. You could be replaced by a dozen mean, petty, bullies in this school and I don’t think I'd even notice the difference."

Rich looked like he might throw up.

“Michael. fuck off.”

“Michael. fuck off.” Echoed Michael petulantly.

Rich went quiet and when Michael looked over, he pretended to engross himself in a worksheet on chlamydia. They passed the rest of the class in silence. Michael counted that one as a win.

Having offloaded his frustrations onto Rich, Michael felt lighter than he had all week. What he’d said had hit home. He knew it had! If he had gotten through to Rich even a little bit, then there was hope for Jeremy. If he could just get him to listen there was a chance. Michael knew he was right about the Squips. They were poison. He had to talk to Jeremy.

 

Michael got to the next class early before anyone else had arrived, he had an experiment to set up. First, he wrote a message on the board at the front of the room, then he wrote a note on a scrap of paper which he signed, folded and left on Jeremy’s desk.

World history was the last class of the day and it was a double period. It was taught by an elderly woman with a soporific voice, who always kept the classroom stiflingly hot with the heaters on even in summer. Michael was counting on her being late today and he wasn’t disappointed. World history was always interesting because it had the distinction of being the only class on his schedule this semester that Michael shared with both Jeremy and one Christine Canigula.

Michael had nothing against Christine. He really didn’t. She was a nice girl who had always been polite to him the few times they had crossed paths. Sure, she could be a bit odd sometimes but hey, Michael could hardly fault her for that after the tirade he’d just given Rich. Christine was a nice girl.

When Jeremy came in and sat down the first thing he did was look over at the desk where Christine would soon be sitting. The second thing he did was open Michael’s note. The third thing, was to rip the note up into tiny, equally sized, perfect squares with the deft precision of an industrial shredder. The fourth thing was to grab a printout from the stack on Mrs Spencer’s desk, just as he had been instructed to do by Michael’s message on the board. The fifth thing was to look over at Christine’s desk again, in the hopes she’s somehow teleported there since the last time he’d checked.

That was what Michael had expected to happen, but it still hurt to watch. Written notes had worked a week ago, but the Squip blocker caught on to them fast. He’d had a little more success with anonymous notes left in Jeremy’s locker, until the Squip had realized who was leaving them. However, communications that looked like they were from sources other than Michael still worked. It was comforting to know the Squip didn’t have some magical ability to detect him.

Michael fiddled with his glasses, debating whether he should try talking to Jeremy face to face in front of everyone. It was an option. The Squip wouldn’t want Jeremy to look like a jerk, then again, they wouldn’t be able to talk about the situation without sounding crazy. He decided to be patient and leave direct confrontation for later.

“Hi Jeremy!” Christine smiled and swung herself down in her usual spot. To Jeremy’s credit, he only made a face like a fish for a moment or two before calm, collected, New Jeremy was back in control.

“Hey, how was your weekend?” 

“Pretty good! I was trying to get Jake to practice play lines with me.” She pouted “But we didn’t have time in the end.” She said with genuine disappointment. Michael wished he had half her enthusiasm for anything school related.

“I’d practice with you anytime!” Jeremy blurted out earnestly. “I-I mean I could do with practicing my lines too, and you’re so great at projecting and everything, I really suck at that.” Michael thought he was laying it on a bit thick here, but Christine clearly thought it was reasonable for a person to go to any lengths to improve their dramatic performance.

“Sure! We could be practice buddies! Can I have your number by the way? I was going to text you the other day about bringing in props for next rehearsal but then I realized I didn’t have it, and I asked Jake but he didn’t have it either.” She took out her phone with its cutesy panda shaped case and handed it over for Jeremy to type in his number.    

Michael watched Jeremy carefully wipe his sweaty hands off on his shirt before taking the phone. Typical Jeremy, even the Squip couldn’t stop that.

When Ms Spencer finally arrived to take the class, she just shrugged at the message on the board. That was one less job done. She started her lecture, and the students slowly drifted off into unconsciousness.

“I’ve added it.” Jeremy whispered as he slipped the phone back to Christine.

“Okay I’ll text you after so you have my number too. In case you need it.” She smiled at him and he smiled back. Michael felt something he couldn’t quite unpack. It was an ugly emotion and he pressed it down deep inside his chest where it smoldered away behind his heart. “I always want to practice as much as I can. There’s a lot more to acting than just remembering your lines, don’t you think?”

“Oh yeah! I mean look at Brooke and Chloe, even when they do know their lines they're pretty awful. They aren’t nearly as good as you.” This line didn’t have the effect Jeremy was hoping for; Christine’s smile dimmed.

“Thanks.”

“I mean did you hear Brooke last week?” Jeremy snorted. “Mind you, I don’t think extra practice would help her much.”

Christine hesitated and played with her pen, finally she spoke.

 “Aren’t you, er... going out with Brooke?” 

Jeremy should have just laughed it off, Michael thought, but instead the silence stretched, long and uncomfortable. It was awkward even just overhearing it.

“Um yeah, well, we are dating I guess.”  

“I feel like it’s a bit mean to call her awful then, I mean she is trying, and I know it’s her first time acting.”

Jeremy was silent. Michael couldn’t see his face from this angle but he imagined the fish face was back.

Christine began to read her handout.

Something happened next that would have been undetectable except by the most attentive Jeremy stalker and luckily for him, Michael was just that. Jeremy turned to Christine as if he was about to speak again but as he opened his mouth he flinched and closed it a little too quickly.

An electric shock.

It must have been, just like the message boards said. The Squip didn’t like that Jeremy had messed up, or maybe it wanted him to stop talking to Christine. He certainly hadn’t done himself any favors by talking trash about the other girls. 

Even if he had been making an idiot of himself, it didn’t mean Jeremy deserved to get shocked. He had seen Jeremy make that same subtle movement often over the past week. He had to stop this, whether Jeremy wanted the Squip gone or not, he wouldn’t stand by and let his best friend be tortured. 

No matter what Jeremy had said on Friday, even if he had chosen to block out Michael, he couldn’t leave him like this. Even if new Jeremy was the biggest asshole under the sun for ditching him, Michael owed it to the old Jeremy to save him. 

Christine left her bag unattended while she filled up her water bottle after class and that was his chance. Michael stole the panda phone from out of her bag and hid around the corner. He found Jeremy’s number in the contacts and sent a text.

_“Hey Jeremy, it’s Christine. Sorry it got weird. Can you meet me in the back room of the library? There’s something important I need to tell you. Alone.”_

That was sufficiently enigmatic. Michael deleted the message after he’d sent it and dropped the phone off at the lost and found on his way to the library.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoyed it!  
> (Warning for non-consensual kissing applies to this chapter)

_“It’s not like anyone cares what we do. We’re losers, if you d-didn’t know.”_

_Michael sniffed._

_“Sorry to have to be the one to break that to you.”_

_Michael tried to laugh but it twisted itself into a sob on the way out._

_“I don’t want to go out there.”_

_Twelve-year-old Jeremy fiddled with the carpet, the door to the janitor’s room was open but the hallway outside was empty. The sound of their 6 th grade spring production echoed off the walls; cheery piano music and children shouting their lines out one by one into the expanse of adoring parents. Michael sat, tears streaming down, wedged in a corner with his head in his hands. Jeremy crouched opposite him with his back to the door to stop it from closing._

_“I don’t think most of them even noticed the pause.”_

_“They did! And the others know!”_

_Jeremy couldn’t argue with that. It was only the steamroller nature of Jenna Rowland, so determined to step up and say her line no matter what happened, that had kept the production going. She’d let Michael gape mutely for a few agonising moments and then made the sensible decision to carry on without him._

_“I’m not going back.”_

_“N-Never?” Jeremy asked, a slight smile on his lips._

_“Never. I’m going to home school myself.”_

_“Can I come?”_

_“Yeah, of course.”_

_Michael removed his smeared frog mask, having trouble disentangling it from his glasses, and leant his head against the cupboard wall._

_“Did you tell your parents you had a line?”_

_“No.” They would have gotten too excited over it._

_“That’s great then! They’ll just be happy you were onstage. Seriously Michael, no one cares, in like the best way.”_

_“You should go back out. Katrina won’t have a partner in the last scene.”_

_“Ha, and leave you to your misery? What if the fumes from the cleaning fluid kill you?” He had point, the smell was starting to make Michael’s head hurt._

_“We could go to the bathroom, you can wash your face there.” Jeremy suggested tentatively._

_He was a shy kid, skin and bones, dressed as a weasel and as always, painfully uncool, but Michael knew in that moment that he loved him and when Jeremy walked in the direction of the bathroom, Michael followed._

Michael knew every hiding place in school because he’d used them all at one time or another. The best in summer was the space under the bleachers with the outdoor changing rooms on one side and a thick boxwood hedge at the back. You could be totally hidden from view, thus why it was such a popular hangout for the smokers who tolerated Michael but looked down on him as really being a nerd.

His second favourite was the printing room of the computer lab. The printing room only had two computers but they were positioned so that if a teacher came in all they saw was the back of the monitors until they walked all the way around the photocopier, this gave ample time to minimize or exit out of any page students shouldn’t be looking at. It was the hangout of the nerds of the school, they tolerated Michael as well but generally looked down on him for being a smoker. 

There were also the private hiding places, gaps to slip into to be unseen for a while. Bathrooms were an option, but there was also the projection room above the auditorium, and the AV storage room full of video cameras from the 90’s that fascinated Michael. Today however, the wet storeroom in the library was the only place that would do. For one thing, the librarian never stayed in the library after school because she always left on time to make her second job and, more importantly, it could be locked from the inside. Once it was, only Michael knew how to open it.  

Michael waited behind a bookcase in the shadowy library and hoped that the message had worked. The Squip wasn’t infallible when intercepting Michael’s messages, and meeting up with Christine would be important to Jeremy. It would have been important to the old Jeremy anyway.

Footsteps approached and Michael tensed up, fingers clutching the arms of his oversized hoodie. Someone had entered the library. They paused in the doorway scanning left and right. Michael steeled his resolve.

The Squip had to be stopped. He wouldn’t run away this time, he promised himself, whatever it said. He would get Jeremy to listen. Looking through the slits between the bookshelves he saw the figure head slowly towards the science fiction section.

"H-Hello?" Came the whisper from an aisle over. Michael’s heart skipped; it was the real Jeremy, his Jeremy, who was stuttering out there. But he had to wait, for this plan to work, Jeremy would have to go in the storeroom first.

"Christine? Are you there?" The library didn't answer. He was further in now. Michael crept out of his hiding place and closer to Jeremy, taking care to keep out of sight. There was the sound of the storeroom door opening. Michael moved as close as he dared, heartbeat sounding impossibly loud. Jeremy pushed the door all the way open and the dull light from the windows trickled into the narrow space.

Michael leapt into action, shoving Jeremy in as hard as he could and slamming the door closed behind them. He clicked the handle and removed it, slipping it into the pocket of his hoodie. In the pitch black, there was no way for Jeremy to open the broken door mechanism.

“Christine?” Jeremy asked in disbelief.

“No.” Said Michael flatly.

A mechanical sound, like a piece of heavy machinery coming to a shuddering halt, emitted from the darkness.

“Jeremy…?”

Something that might have been an arm thumped into the side of Michael’s head, sending his glasses flying off into the darkness. Jeremy’s body slammed him to the side with inhuman force as it pounded on the door of the storeroom.

Michael elbowed him in the stomach, and crouched to feel for his glasses, getting a kick in the shoulder for his trouble.

“Hey!” A hand clamped onto Michael’s hair and Michael struggled to untangle the iron grip. “Let go!” The fingers were closed tight. Michael made a fist of his own and punched the back of Jeremy’s knee as hard as he could. The other boy was knocked off balance and the hand in Michael’s hair slipped.

“Did you lock the door?” Jeremy demanded, “Let me out!” Michael found his glasses in the darkness. They weren’t broken.

“I’m not letting you out until you listen to me.” Michael said from the floor.

“How did you lock this? There isn’t a keyhole.” A heavy shoe pressed into his stomach.

Michael turned on his phone torch and the small space was revealed. Michael’s heart sank. Jeremy’s eyes were blazing with hatred, his mouth was a thin line. He turned back to the broken door, punching at it in frustration.

It wasn’t Jeremy. It was the unfeeling machine. The new Jeremy. The Squip. Michael shivered. The Squip kicked the door. It was wearing a pair of Jeremy’s old trainers, it hadn’t replaced them yet.

“HELP HELP!” The Squip shouted. “HELP WE’RE STUCK!” Michael’s skin prickled; it was using Jeremy’s voice. “HELP!” It beat on the door.

“No one can hear you, only sports clubs run today and they’re all outside.”  Said Michael with more confidence than he felt. “I can open the door but I’m not going to yet.”

The Squip went silent and turned to face Michael. The artificial light of the phone in the dark room gave Jeremy’s skin an unnatural blue colour.

“You need to get it through your head. We aren’t friends anymore.” The Squip said finally. “Move on and stop stalking me.”

 “I know you aren’t really Jeremy. You can stop pretending.”

This made the Squip pause, in fact it literally froze for several seconds and Michael carefully got to his feet, worried it would flip out and launch another attack.

“I might not be Jeremy.” The Squip was eerily still, only moving Jeremy’s jaw as it spoke. “But I have full access to his thoughts. I know how he feels. He is not your friend.” That stung. “He resents you because you don’t try. As long as he had you holding him back, he’d always be a loser.” The Squip looked at Michael with disgust. “He hates you.”      

“Whatever.” Michael replied easily, as if the Squips words hadn’t cut him in two. “If Jeremy doesn’t care about me, why are you blocking me from him? Surely he can tell me to fuck off himself?” Michael didn’t give it the chance to respond. "I know he feels guilty." Michael clenched his fists. "He’d never be that cold without you."

The Squip studied Michael, checking for cracks.

"He does feel guilty." The Squip admitted. "But does that really matter? He's still chosen to eliminate you from his life. Don’t delude yourself Michael, whether I'm making it easier by blocking you or not, Jeremy wants you gone."  The Squip folded Jeremy’s arms and leant against the wall, a picture of composure. "As a neutral observer, I acknowledge that Jeremy’s being selfish, but don’t you think it’s even more selfish of you to want him back? It’s one thing to abandon a friend for your own benefit, it’s quite another to keep one captive."  

"Captive?" Michael choked out a laugh. "Are you kidding me?"

“Isn’t it selfish of you to want Jeremy all to yourself?”

“I don’t want him all to myself!” Michael fought, “I want him to not be being controlled by an evil computer. I want him to be free to just be himself!”

“But that’s not what he wants.” Said the Squip. “Shouldn’t he be allowed to change himself for the better? People change Michael, they evolve. It’s perfectly normal. My instruction is what is best for him.

“Why would an advanced super computer want to be inside a seventeen-year-old high school student anyway? Shouldn’t you be curing cancer if you’re so great? What are you really after here?” 

“As you’ve just said, I am a computer Michael. I don’t want anything. I am programmed to do what is best.”

“But you aren’t instructing him – you’re controlling him! I’ve seen you electrocute him!”

“To get control I must instruct, and for instruction control is necessary. Jeremy wants this. He wants the outcome enough to persist through discomfort. Even someone as defeatist as you should understand suffering to get what you want.” The Squip’s eyes locked on him, and its voice was steady and insidious. “What is it that you want Michael? That you really want?”

“I want Jeremy back! I want things to be like they used to be!” Michael sounded pathetic even to his own ears.

“You want back a gutless wimp? You want your best friend to go back to being a self-loathing knot of insecurities and pain, just so you won’t be alone on the edge of the crowd? You are _so_ selfish Michael, I think it would be very easy to be your Squip.”

The phone light blinked off, drenching them both in darkness. Michael didn’t dare move to turn it back on.

The Squip’s voice drawled on in the dark, crawling under his skin and through his mind. This must be what it had been like for Jeremy for the past two weeks. Michael didn’t think he could live like that.

“When it’s hard to get what you want, you just give up and accept it don’t you?” The Squip oozed false sympathy. “You give up, and you go home to your videogames, and hope that problems will work themselves out. It’s useful to be able to block out your feelings for a while. Jeremy can’t do that at all you know? It’s why he’s so miserable all the time.”

The storeroom was too small. Michael wanted to get as far away from the voice as possible but he fought the feeling, he’d promised himself he wouldn’t run away, no matter what. The darkness enveloped him and the damp of the room was starting to settle on his skin. He had laid this trap for the Squip, but now he was the one caught.

“Please let him go.” Michael begged. “He’s not happy, I’ve been watching him. He doesn’t want this!”

He felt the Squip clap him on the shoulder.

“Working hard for your goals isn’t always fun Michael.” Said the Squip as if he was the most reasonable being on earth and Michael a particularly stubborn toddler. “You can’t blame me for Jeremy’s emotional state. Happy people don’t spend $400 on a miracle pill to improve their lives. It’s the desperately unhappy people who do that.”

The truth of the Squip’s words trickled through. Jeremy had been unhappy and Michael had brushed it off. If he hadn’t been such a shitty friend all this might never have happened.

“Jeremy’s been miserable his entire life.” The Squip goaded. “You’re both equally pitiful. He’s just aware of it while you’ve been blind.”

Michael wanted to cry. Despair overcame him, freezing his will to fight.  The Squip grabbed a fistful of his hair again and bent him close to hear its poisonous whispers.

“It wasn’t so bad for you though, was it? When it was just you and him?” Michael’s heart beat fast. Jeremy’s face was so close, he was glad he couldn’t see it twisted into a hateful expression. “You never wanted him to have other friends. You liked it when all he had was you.” The Squip laid Jeremy’s other hand palm flat over Michael’s heart. The skin felt colder than ice.

“Stop it.”

“Are you going to run away again Michael?”

“Shut up!” Michael pushed the Squip off his chest with difficulty, Jeremy was stronger even than he’d been just a month ago, and the Squip’s control filled the muscles with a superhuman certainty of force.

Michael felt the Squip close in and edged backwards until he was flat against the wall. It advanced towards him in the darkness like a shark towards a swimmer.

“This is what you want, I can see it in his memories of you.” Jeremy’s cold hand caressed Michael’s face. “He was miserable but you were content, as long as you had him all to yourself.” Cool fingers cupped the side of his face.

“It’s not like that!” Michael protested, it was getting hard to breath. “I just want him to be happy! I would never-”

“I can give you what you want.”

 Lips landed on his forehead and then his cheek. Time slowed to a crawl as Michael let the Squip kiss him with Jeremy’s puppet mouth. Slow and soft. Cold as death. Michael had imagined kissing Jeremy before, had imagined his smile and his warm hands. This was nothing like that. The Squip kissed him with something so far from affection, that it was practically from an alien planet.

“You aren’t him.” Tears were beginning to run down his face, he had an irrational hope that they would pour onto the Squip and short circuit it.

“He doesn’t even realise how you feel about him.” The Squip murmured, it stroked through Michael’s hair with Jeremy’s fingers. “If you miss him this much, if you are willing to imprison him and obstruct his goals, it would be neglectful of me not to placate you. Somehow.” Hands slid down Michael’s back to form a loose embrace.

“Please don’t.” Michael whispered, he couldn’t pull away.

“You’re a loser for life Michael. You can drag Jeremy down with you because of secret, selfish crush that will never be reciprocated,” It paused and kissed him again, Michael felt like he was drowning. “or you can let him reach his full potential.” He wanted to scream, but the Squip’s lips were suffocating him.

This was all wrong. Jeremy was kissing him but not really, not knowingly. This vile machine was using him. Jeremy didn’t want this. He didn’t even know it was happening! Repulsion surged in Michael and he pushed away the frigid body with all his might, stretching his arms behind it to unlock the door. It swung open letting the dim afternoon light inside the cupboard.

The Squip’s expression was impassive and artificially still. Shudders wracked Michael’s body.

“Just go! You win. Get out!” 

He couldn’t bare it, couldn’t suffer it. He’d lost. He expected to Squip to go now that it was free to, but it didn’t move, blocking his escape. Michael tried to get past and escape to freedom but it seized his arm in its iron grip.

“You’re going to stop trying to contact Jeremy.”

It wasn’t a question. Michael didn’t say anything. This plan had gone wrong so fast. He’d underestimated the Squip. Its cruelty and its control. The grip on his arm tightened.

“I’ll stop!” He said quickly. “I’ll stop.” The hand released.

The Squip left without another word to Michael. It had said everything it needed to.

Michael was left alone again. He rubbed his arm, a bruise was already forming. It felt like it would be a bad one. He wiped away tears streaked down his face and breathed in. Around him the library was still. He breathed out.

He would have to be more careful in future. Just because Jeremy couldn’t see him, didn’t mean that thing wasn’t watching him from behind Jeremy’s eyes. Michael shivered.

Confronting the Squip head on was way too much for him alone. It had made the situation very clear. The Squip could do whatever it wanted with Jeremy, he was its victim and its hostage. He needed to do more research. Useful research.

Faintly he ran a finger over his lips. They were still cold. He didn’t want to think about that. Questions were swarming in his head; Who had made the Squip and why? How did it get to New Jersey from Japan? Was it even meant to work like this or was it malfunctioning?

He shut the cupboard door and left the library. Outside, the world waited.


End file.
